


The Very Drunken Sterek Fic

by Quco



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, Cuddles, Drinking, Drunk Fic, Innuendo, M/M, Sexual Tension, Sloppy Makeouts, Virginity, but not ic drinking, implied sex, just for fun, lost kittens, misspellings, velociraptor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 22:18:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4155057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quco/pseuds/Quco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crack fic written while drunk.<br/>Derek and Stiles finds a lost kitten(?) and strangeness ensues.</p><p>beware horrible misspellings and innuendo, but don't blame the kitty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Very Drunken Sterek Fic

**Author's Note:**

> Me and Rachel wrote a fic together while drunk and we felt like sharing it. every single mistake and all.  
> ANQ and ANR ofc means authorsnote; either -rachel or -quco
> 
> Rated M because im too prude for this sober
> 
> prompt> finding a kitten  
> characters> derek and stiles  
> day  
> beacon hills + outside burnt home

  
Q: it`s a beautiful day in beacon hills and stiles decided to take a stroll around the reserve. what? he liked the woods.   
  
R: he in nooo way was trying to see see if Derek was home, alone, possibly shirtless and working out.  
  
  
Q: Derek was. his favourite past time was flexing muscles on his weights, up and down, up and down in the burnt-out hell of his home, in the ashes of his old family. if it was old, yu don't know how many Hales really lived. REALLY  
  
R: As derek was shamelessly doing pushups and his entire body was shimmering with a gleam of fresh sweat, he suddenly heard a meow come from outside.  
  
Q: Of course, since Derek was a werewolf, he had super hearing. hearing a kitten was nbd, at all. Besides, he loved kittens, and cats, and hamstesrs even, he wasnt sure on why the last paert. but yeah, hamsters. he was a cat person. funny really.  
  
R: Derek grabbed a towel to dry off and left his broken home in search of the kitten somewhere in the forest.  He even brought a bottle of milk in case the kitten was starving, he feared.  
  
>ANQ he feared, quite dramatic flare eh?<  
Q: On the other side, Stiles was struggling down a hill. it as quite steep, so you can't blame him. what? he was a crawny teengaer that ate to much for lunch, and nothing for dinner. typical.  
  
R: As stiles made it down the hill and towards the old hale mansion, he suddenly heard a quite purring noise, and decided to investigate!  Maybe it was derek, after all!  Wolves can purr can't they?  
  
Q: When wolves found other cute, non-lethal things to pet, they purred quite loud indeed. Derek and the kitten aleady named Mister Fluffybottom, coming from the kittens extremely fluffy ad long tail, were purring quite loudly, like a chorus.   
  
R: Derek was communicating with the kitty. He needed to make sure that it was safe and not hungry.  Of course, as soon as Derek let out a soft, worried, purr, the small kitten lept straight into his arms and curled up against him.  It then scratched at his chest indicating that he very much wanted mother's milk.  
  
>AN Q, does this mean i need to put a mauree warning on this? geezzzzzzz<  
Q: Following the extremely loud chorus of purring, stiles stumbled down the hill nd soon found himself, tripping over a root. of course, he was the clumsiest kid in class. well, maybe except greenberg. But greenberg was only clumsy around coach. He  was wondering why that was.... it had to mean something. anyways, he was tumbling down the hiill, inquite extravagant fashion.  
  
R: When Stiles finally landed at the bottom of the hill, he saw a sight that would be burned into his mind for the rest of his life. Derek Hale was NURSING a small kitten.  Not that he didn't appreciate a half naked Derek, but seiously WTF.  
  
Q: wtf indeed, or wtf not indeed??  
Stiles wasn't sure, but he ws slightly turned on by derek giving the kitten milk by the   
Bottle  
>ANQ you dty mind you<  
  
R: Stiles LEPT off the ground to inevitably fall forward again until he crashed into the totally unaware Derek Hale and his baby kitten.  Who would have guessed Derek would have been such an involved mother.  He was so intune with the little kitten that he hadn't sensed Stiles coming at all.  
UMPHHHHH.  
  
Q: okay rude. derek channeling Talia was completely ruined by a person slamming into him rudely from behind. did he menton how rude that was. r00d.  
>ANQ NO, it's not a metaphor to your shiping fannon mind. R00D>  
  
>ANR Okay, it was a metaphor, but just a little bit ;D >  
R: Although Stiles had thoroughly knocked into Derek, Derek found himself on his back on his feet in no time, looking down at the wild, blushing boy before him.  Stiles mouth gaped open, and Derek looked intently into his eyes, not saying a word...  
Suddenly, a small meow came from behind them, and the tiny kitten crawled into stiles lap, nestling into him to take a nap.  
  
>ANQ im not drunk enough for smiley faces, even ironically :c that was sarcastically, thTS A DFFERENCE<  
Q: Mr fluffybottom didn't care much for the tension going between the two boys. well, the boy and the man. one hadn't even lost his viriginity, but this is not that kind of fic.  
Stles stared intent`iy into Derek's eeyes and then looked down at the kitten that had newly found its new home- namely his lap.   
IT WAS SO FLUFF AND CUTE, OMGGGGGGGGG  
>ANQ i swear, thats his thoguhts, i promise, its IC, v<  
  
  
R: Derek abruptly yelled at Stiles, what do you think you're doing here!?  
Stiles again gaped his mouth, trying to find words, and finally stettled with a sigh and shrug, while saying, it was a nice day and I felt like taking a walk.  And honestly, you really think me being in the woods is the weird part of this meeting!? Seriously, WHY WERE YOU MOLESTING THAT KITTY  
  
Q: shut up sties! im helping that kitten! it was hungry, i heard i screams! -why was derek even defending himself over this idiot? this, very cute, and adorable man child. this sexy.... thing. WAIT NO????? WHAT?? stiles was far from naly, derek was manly, this kitten was cute, stules was annoying. Derek pouted  
>ANQ im getting sover here<  
  
>ANR God damnit QU, you aren't allowed to get sober! DRINK DAMNIT, DRINK!<  
R: Stiles watched as Derek's face went through an entire montage of emotions.  Derek really was so cute when he pouted.  That lower lip sticking out like that. It really shouldn't be allowed.  And Stiles should DEFINITELY not be thinking about Derek's lips right now. For the kitten's sake, AT LEAST.  
  
Q: The kiten meowed up at them. it seemed lie it wanted something, or someone to do... something? hmm... maybe that kitten liked water. But dereke had aleady fed itth the entire bottle of milk, it could sty afloat with that,  
however, the kitten wanted something more. a kiss. not for it, but SERIOUSLY, THE SEXUAL TENSIO??????? GET IT THE OFFING OVER WITH THIS WAS REDICULOUS. GEEZ.  
  
R: The kitten meowed again and looked from Derek to Stiles. and the again from Stiles to derek.  Mr. fluffybottomw then game a small nudge into Stiles tummy as if to suggest that Stiles needed to make a move?    
Stiles looked down at the small kitty in his lap and tilted his head, "What do you want little one?"  The kitten then climbed up his chest and licked his cheek, then turned and jumped towards Derek, who caught him in mid air.  The kitten then proceeded to kiss derek on the cheek as well,  
THEN SUDDENLY, both derek and stiles could have SWORN that the small kitten let out a meow that sounded EXACTLY LIKE "daddies"  
  
>ANQ o wullda wr8itten velpciraptor to be honest<  
Q: looking down at the tiny furball licking Derek's chest with adorable, ywt, noises that turned him on, strangley, not the kitten, but that it was derek, ofc, he wasn't a freak or anything. not into a beastiality. or wait .did it count, if it was derek????? UHMMMM  
STILES DSIMPLY DIDNT MIND AND lunged himself forwrds ino dereks now open arms.  
  
R: Stiles just couldn't contain himself anylonger.  Derek's body was perfectly sculpted and with a kitten in his arms he was just too damn cute.  When stiles landed into Derek's arms he grasped the tall, dark, and handsome man close to him and did something entirely unexpected......he MEOWED into Derek's ear. o.o  
  
Q: And lapped at the mans ear at the same time. you know, for good measuure.   
Derek, couldn't contiin himself, and growled out, how very dog-like of him,but this didn/t scare off Stils, quite the contrary, Stiles hissed and kissed DEREK QUITE PASIONATRLY NO HE MOUTN  
>there, you go sterek fans, YOU WAS WAS. ING FOR THIIS IM SO SORRY FOR THIS THING>  
  
>ANR, I guess stiles is pretty into the beasty thing after all<  
R: As Stiles latched himself onto Derek's mouth, Derek was uttlerly dumbstruck. And when Dereik heard a small gasp come from Stiles, his head felt a little light and he began to sway. OH NO, Derek thought, not AGAIN.  *derek's body crashed to the ground as e fainted like the lady boy he is*I  
  
  
> sexistAUQ thats<  
Q: Stiles stared down at him. good thing he kept his smelling salts on him. yes smelling salts. every super- err gentleAN should have them on at every time. along with a ahnkerchcheif, a cord and a revolver. although the last two he had forgtten at home. or rather, his father had comfiscated because he was afraid of inappropriate behaviour. how was Stiles could be inappropriatewasbeyond him. Thankfully Derek woke up with beady eyes.  
  
R: Stiles was crouched down on the ground, hovering above Derek when he woke.  The kitten was firmly planted on Derek's chest, cleaning it's paws and waiting for his daddy to wake up.  Derek lifted his head and stared direclty into Stiles eyes with his own beady eyes.  As if to say "come hither"  
  
Q: And so stiles came. >ANQ EWWW NOOO NOT LIKE THAT< he fell ontop of Derek in a passionate makeout session, not anything weird, promise. theyre both pretty innocnet.  
herrr. no, not really. nope, not at all. nuhu, not several times at once. in several diffrent possible... solutions.... >ANQ cough theyre still only making out remember<  
  
  
  
  
  
Q: and so the kitten left them happy it had done its job and brought to distined rome- errr, love brds tgether. it was a spirit of love, and it had done its duty.   
it was a spirit of love, nt copulation, that was their own doing, dont blame the kitty.  
the end.  
  
just cuddles.   
honest.  
  
 


End file.
